Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize