Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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