Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize