lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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