I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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