My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
