i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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