You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
3 2 1 whiskey
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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