One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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