I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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