he thought i was a dude.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
