come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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