Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
