I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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