Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
