How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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