I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize