That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
