Pants 0. Shit 1.
I smell stomach acid.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
