would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
