The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
