Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
