There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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