seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
