I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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