Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
