stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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