Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
