just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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