somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
