Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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