Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
