Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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