Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I pour the whiskey from now on
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