so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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