it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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