I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
