i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He passed out mid-signature
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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