All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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