hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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