he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
