I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
