so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
