i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize