I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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