I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
