Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
