wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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