Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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