Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
