I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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