Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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