so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
