I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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