I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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