Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
