I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
