I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
