beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize