Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
