i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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