Im at strip club and am horny
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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