It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
