you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
