so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
