So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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