I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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