I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
