you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
