she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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