You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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