There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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