i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize