I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
