I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
