I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
