The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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