Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize