he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
