Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So much rum. So many feels.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
