They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize