Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
