How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
