then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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