Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
