Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
